Bouncing Back from Brain Tumour
Going through a Brain Tumour
In today's episode of MaryLayo Talks, I’m with guest, Mildred Talabi, about her experience when she discovered she had a brain tumour and the impact this had on her mental health and spiritual wellbeing during the recovery process.
The conversation includes:
- Signs that led Mildred to realise that something wasn’t right and that she had brain tumour.
- Questioning and hearing from God about the illness.
- Mildred’s recovery process after surgery.
- Challenges and successes post operation.
- The different forms of support Mildred received from friends and family.
- How Mildred deals with the annual medical check-ups.
- Mildred’s faith in Jesus over her health and future.
- Bible scriptures and music that helped Mildred in her journey.
- What Mildred learned about herself following her battle with brain tumour.
- How Mildred now views life and the changes made following the experience.
- Advice for those going through a serious health challenge.
Take a moment to delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' - listen in to the conversation.
Guest details:
Mildred Talabi trained as a Journalist and worked in the media, before transitioning into Public Relations and then Communications. Along the way, Mildred started several businesses, authored four books, and had the privilege of speaking to and training many audiences across different countries. Today, Mildred specialises in working with female leaders and women in business to build powerful and authentic personal brands through being visible on LinkedIn.
Guest's website
MaryLayo's spiritual wellbeing tips:
- Meditate on the bible scriptures: John 16:33, Philippians 4:13 & Psalm 23:4
- Listen to No Longer Slaves. Artist: Zach Williams.
Connect with MaryLayo:
For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist professional advice and support if needed.
Transcript
1
::MaryLayo: Welcome to Marylayo Talks, a podcast
that discusses mental health and spiritual
2
::well being.
3
::Before we jump in, there may be episodes that
4
::are particularly sensitive for some listeners,
and if that applies, then I.
5
::MaryLayo: Hope you'll be able to join me.
6
::MaryLayo: Whenever you feel ready and able in
today's episode.
7
::I'm with guest Mildred Talibee, who is used to
being in the spotlight.
8
::Mildred is a LinkedIn top voice and visibility
coach, the founder of a community for women in
9
::business and leadership, and is the author of
several books.
10
::This time we put the spotlight on what it can
take to battle through a serious health
11
::condition.
12
::And Mildred shares her experience of how she
13
::recovered from a brain tumour and what helped
her along the way.
14
::Let's have a listen.
15
::MaryLayo: This journey that you went through,
it started off by you actually collapsing
16
::outside of work some years ago.
17
::When was that?
18
::And tell us what happened afterwards.
19
::Mildred: Yeah, sure.
20
::This was going back to 2019 now, September
21
::2019.
22
::The actual day was the 2 September 2019, a day
23
::I'll never forget.
24
::So yeah, I collapsed outside of work.
25
::My workmate, one of my workmates had managed
to call her, she found me in the car park
26
::hanging out my car, vomit everywhere kind of
thing, just in a right state.
27
::I was unconscious by the time they got there.
28
::So the journey to get into that place actually
29
::began a few months earlier from that place.
30
::It was one day in May, I think it was towards
31
::the end of May, I kind of woke up and I was
fine going about my business in a day.
32
::And then about in the afternoon, I felt like
this pain, like on the back of my neck, on my
33
::head.
34
::It was just like this frobbing pain that came
35
::out of nowhere.
36
::It was just hurt in that area.
37
::I'm like, what is this?
Did I sleep wrong?
38
::Did I twist my neck while I was sleeping?
And then I'm like, if that was the case, then
39
::that pain would have come as soon as I woke
up, not hours later.
40
::So I just did what most of us do when we have
any kind of pain.
41
::I found some painkillers, I popped them, I
thought, maybe this will help.
42
::And it didn't help.
43
::The pain didn't go away and it was literally
44
::like at one point it was like I was having a
seizure almost.
45
::It would come on me in waves, it would kind of
fade and then it would come on really strong
46
::and I would be like, don't touch me, don't
touch me.
47
::The one time I fell on the floor, both my
girls were there and I was like, mommy's okay,
48
::mommy's okay.
49
::But it was like this pain was just shooting
50
::through my body, through my neck.
51
::I've never experienced anything like that
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::before.
53
::And that pain persisted for that day, the next
54
::day, the day after that, the day after that,
the day after that, it went on daily for
55
::months.
56
::It was literally for a long time.
57
::MaryLayo: Did you get it checked out, then?
58
::Mildred: I did everything.
59
::I went to doctors several times.
60
::I went to an E called one one one called
everything I could do.
61
::At one point, they checked everything and then
they couldn't figure out what was wrong.
62
::And then one time they prescribed me, like I
had, like, 15 pills I was supposed to be
63
::taking in one day each time.
64
::And I'm not big on pills anyway.
65
::And I was like, after trying it once, I was
like, no, this is not happening.
66
::I'm not going to live like this.
67
::So I ended up going private to an osteopath.
68
::It was a neck issue, bone issue.
69
::Yeah.
70
::That was the only thing that actually brought
relief temporarily.
71
::Yeah.
72
::I ended up going to weekly sessions for a bit
73
::and it would give me temporary relief.
74
::But that pain never fully went away.
75
::And at this point, the hospital had referred
me to a neurologist.
76
::But my appointment was in November.
77
::And remember, this started in May, and we're
78
::about a month into this now.
79
::My appointment, the earliest they could find
80
::for me was in November.
81
::I was like, what am I supposed to do with
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::myself between now and then?
But that was just the situation.
83
::Until that day that we spoke about at the
beginning, I wasn't fully self employed at the
84
::time.
85
::I was still juggling both worlds.
86
::So I was driving into work, I was there going
on the motorway, super fast speeds, and I'm
87
::just like, I don't feel too good.
88
::And then off the motorway, I go down country
89
::roads in Kent, and they are kind of narrow
roads, if you know roads.
90
::It's like, as I'm going down, I couldn't see
the cars coming the other way until they've
91
::gone past.
92
::It was like I was just feeling like, whoosh.
93
::I was like, what was that?
Some.
94
::By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.
95
::I managed to end up at work, collapse outside
96
::work, in the car park, sent some garbled
message to one of my workmates.
97
::Apparently, I tried to call initially, I tried
to call a taxi to take me to hospital.
98
::I don't know what I was thinking.
99
::Call an ambulance.
100
::Somehow I ended up in a car park without being
run over or getting into a car crash.
101
::And that was where it's like my colleagues
found me and I woke up in an ambulance on the
102
::way to hospital.
103
::MaryLayo: Even that bit you've just explained
sounds very dramatic.
104
::It could have been so much worse.
105
::Just the fact that you were journeying, going
106
::through motorways, high speed country lanes
and you managed to get to the hospital, that's
107
::amazing.
108
::That stands out for me.
109
::Just in terms of what you said, it's the grace
of God that kept you.
110
::I guess I'm assuming that the next thing that
you remember was it waking up after the
111
::surgery?
112
::Mildred: No. So the surgery didn't happen
straight away.
113
::So I woke up at the first hospital I was taken
to in East Surrey Hospital.
114
::And they were like, okay, we found something,
but we're not entirely sure what it is.
115
::And because we're not as sophisticated
equipment wise, we're going to send you to
116
::this other hospital, st.
117
::George's Hospital in London, which was some
118
::miles away, because they're specialists in
head know.
119
::So they took me in another ambulance, sent me
to St. George's Hospital.
120
::By that time, my husband arrived and stuff.
121
::And when we got to the hospital and they did
122
::all their tests, they were like, sorry to tell
you this, but we found a brain tumor.
123
::You have a brain tumor.
124
::So I'm like, what?
125
::And they were like, you can't go home.
126
::We have to kind of hospitalize you and stay
127
::here.
128
::So it was a benign tumor, which basically
129
::means the difference is it doesn't spread
quickly.
130
::So it was located in that one place in the
back of my head.
131
::It was like the size of I can't remember how
they described the size.
132
::Everything was like a blur.
133
::You're hearing it and it's like a brain tumor.
134
::You're in shock.
135
::And they're saying lots of stuff.
136
::MaryLayo: And I'm still trying to taking it
in, processing it.
137
::Mildred: Yeah, I'm still trying to process.
138
::And I ended up staying in hospital for that
139
::entire month of September.
140
::The first couple of weeks, almost a couple of
141
::weeks was leading up to the surgery, getting
me ready, blood tests, all kinds of stuff that
142
::was needed.
143
::And then the last few weeks was recovering
144
::from the surgery.
145
::I had a six hour surgery, spent three days in
146
::intensive care, and then from there just kind
of recovering and getting physio help to kind
147
::of get back on my feet before they let me back
out into my real life.
148
::MaryLayo: Right. Wow. Okay, tell me about that
recovery process.
149
::So you had the six hour surgery, and I guess
that rehabilitation.
150
::Tell me about the recovery process and how you
were able to overcome those emotional and
151
::psychological challenges during that recovery
process.
152
::Because like you said earlier, just even
hearing about brain tumor, that was a lot to
153
::take in and process.
154
::So how was that recovery process for you in
155
::terms of your emotional and psychological the
challenges that you had to overcome?
156
::Mildred: Yeah, sure.
157
::So I've always been somebody who kind of I'm a
158
::glass half full person.
159
::Okay?
160
::That's the thing.
161
::And I'm also a Christian.
162
::My faith is a major part of who I am and how I
get through life.
163
::My faith in Jesus is like a big part of it.
164
::So the very first reaction I had, actually,
165
::when they told me about the brain tumor was
one of relief because I had lived in pain for
166
::so long and that pain was really bad.
167
::It was so hard to describe, to anybody.
168
::Like, it was at one point when I was at work,
I would literally run to the toilet every time
169
::this thing came over me.
170
::And it was like I was having a fit.
171
::And they must be thinking, this girl keeps
going toilet.
172
::She must drink a lot of water, which I did
anyway, so it was a good cover, but several
173
::times a day, I would be running into the
toilet.
174
::So anyway, so that first thing was relief.
175
::And then it was kind of like.
176
::MaryLayo: And I guess it was relief because
you had identified what the cause was rather
177
::than wondering what's going on.
178
::Mildred: Yes, because a lot of the frustration
of the whole being medicated is that whole
179
::thing of I was like, I don't want these 15
bills because you're trying to treat a
180
::symptom.
181
::You're not giving me the cause.
182
::I want to know the cause.
183
::Why is my head hurting?
184
::Why is my neck hurting?
What is going on?
185
::So that gave me the answer that I'd been
looking for for months.
186
::So it was like, Everything's okay now.
187
::So that was the first reaction.
188
::Then the second thing was like, Why?
And then obviously, not all of us, but the
189
::next question is like, but why, Lord?
You know, like, why me?
190
::Why a brain tumor?
Why this?
191
::Why still?
It's like, I never got an answer for the why,
192
::but I realized afterwards, the why doesn't
matter.
193
::It's not the why.
194
::It's what you make of it.
195
::Adversity happens to all of us, whether you're
Christian or not, it doesn't matter.
196
::We're going to go through life, and we're
going to go through things in life.
197
::It's like, how do you respond when adversity
hits?
198
::Not if it hits, but when?
Because every single one of us will go through
199
::something.
200
::Maybe not as traumatic as a brain tumor, but
201
::we're going to go through something.
202
::And it's like, now is the opportunity to
203
::really see what you're kind of made of.
204
::So, funnily enough, when I first got to the
205
::hospital, and I journal on stuff, and I was
talking to God about it, and I was like, Why
206
::is this happening?
How should I react to this?
207
::And one of the things that I felt really
strongly was this whole idea of you said,
208
::like, rest Milja dress.
209
::Okay.
210
::Interesting.
211
::Yeah.
212
::So I'll give you a little snapshot of my life
before then.
213
::I was mum of two, busy mom of two girls.
214
::My kids were at the time.
215
::My oldest was about to start school, so she
was four, and my little one was three.
216
::And then I got my husband at home.
217
::I was running a business on the side and
218
::working full time.
219
::My life was full on.
220
::It was busy.
221
::So this was like, for the first time in a long
222
::time that I actually got to do was in the
first two weeks leading up to the operation,
223
::the surgery, I was in hospital, and I love the
doctors and nurses at St. George's Hospital.
224
::I'm picking you guys up.
225
::They took such good care of me.
226
::Like, three times a day, I was getting meals
served.
227
::I cooked the meals.
228
::MaryLayo: Exactly.
229
::So that's one example of the rest during that
230
::period.
231
::Mildred: Yeah, exactly.
232
::And so that perspective really shifted that
233
::first two weeks, which could have been I could
have spent that time worrying or like, what's
234
::going to happen?
All of that kind of stuff.
235
::But I was like, you know what?
I'm actually going to rest.
236
::I'm going to enjoy this rest period, and I'm
going to rest.
237
::And that's what I did for those first two
weeks.
238
::MaryLayo: And that's because that's what you
felt God was saying to you at that time.
239
::Okay, definitely.
240
::Mildred: And perspective matters a lot in
life.
241
::How you approach things as two people can go
through the exact same thing, but the
242
::difference is how you view what you go
through.
243
::So I could definitely have sat there and felt
like, oh, my God, I think 101 thoughts about,
244
::oh, my God, I'm going to die, or am I going to
die or what's going to happen?
245
::All of that.
246
::And not to say that there wasn't any period
247
::where I was like, what is happening?
And actually that came more after the
248
::operation because as well, I've always been
like an independent person.
249
::I'm like a get up and go kind of thing.
250
::I'm going around, I'm doing things, I'm living
251
::life.
252
::I'm not sitting down watching, you know, I've
253
::got things to do.
254
::So after the surgery, I'm there trying to get
255
::up and go again like Mildred normally could,
and I couldn't.
256
::And that's when it really hit home that
something major had happened, because I'm
257
::trying to walk and my legs don't want to come
with me.
258
::MaryLayo: Wow.
259
::Mildred: So I'm ending up on the floor, and 1
minute I'm talking to you, the next minute I'm
260
::waking up from talking to you because I've
blacked out.
261
::And I don't remember what's happened in the
last two, three minutes because I'm just gone.
262
::So it's like all of these things, I lost
control of myself.
263
::And that was scary for a season.
264
::It was scary and it was upsetting and it was
265
::like, what is going on?
I don't understand, and how can I get back to
266
::being me again?
And that was the journey that took a long
267
::time.
268
::Well, not a long time, because my doctor
269
::always said every time he saw me, my surgeon
is like, you're doing so great.
270
::You're, like, ahead of where we think you
should be.
271
::MaryLayo: But for you, it was a long time.
272
::Mildred: It took a long time.
273
::To me, it took a long time.
274
::MaryLayo: I'm going to go back to when you
were asking about why me, Lord?
275
::So behind that question of why, was it because
you were praying or you were a believer?
276
::What was behind the reason?
Why you questioned why me, Lord?
277
::Mildred: Yeah. So I've been a Christian since
the age of 19 is when I gave my life to Jesus.
278
::I became a born again Christian, and I've kind
of walked closely with God, I would say, since
279
::that time.
280
::So it was like, there's this I will call it a
281
::false idea that a lot of us have in
Christianity that if you're a child of God, it
282
::means bad things don't happen, won't happen,
and can't happen to.
283
::So but actually, in the Bible, Jesus says, you
will go through many trials, but I have
284
::overcome them all.
285
::You will overcome.
286
::So we will go through trials, but we will
overcome.
287
::So I was of that thinking of, why should this
happen to me?
288
::That kind of thing.
289
::I mean, like, why?
290
::I'm a Christian.
291
::I love Jesus.
292
::So that's where the root of that came from,
which I came to understand is not that's not
293
::right.
294
::That's not correct.
295
::Maybe natural reaction.
296
::God weren't angry with me or anything for
297
::asking.
298
::There's a natural reaction, but that's the
299
::wrong focus.
300
::The focus isn't why.
301
::And now, four years on, looking back at all
the things that have happened as a result of
302
::that one incident, all the people's lives that
have been touched from me sharing this story,
303
::it's like that has been a blessing that I
didn't ask for, that I didn't want.
304
::Even how the strength that I discovered in
myself that I didn't know, that I had in me,
305
::all of that came through this one trial.
306
::So there's so much good that has come out of
307
::that bad situation that would never have come
had that bad situation not happened.
308
::MaryLayo: Got you.
309
::Yeah. So, like, you were talking about that
310
::let's call it that rehabilitation process,
that time of rest where after the surgery,
311
::literally, you were forced to slow down and
almost, like, pace yourself, really.
312
::So what would you say was the breakthrough
moments or the turning points that really
313
::stand out to you during that recovery journey?
314
::Mildred: Yeah. I am so grateful that at that
period of my life, so many people rallied
315
::around me.
316
::It was unbelievable, the kind of love that I
317
::felt.
318
::And not just from my immediate family.
319
::My husband and my kids, though.
320
::My kids came to visit me in the hospital and
321
::I'm all, like, tubed up wires everywhere.
322
::My older one, she wouldn't come near me
323
::because she was scared that she would hurt me
kind of thing.
324
::She kind of kept her distance when my little
one, he was very much a hugger.
325
::Was like, Mommy, what's going on?
But it was like, just the whole way, like,
326
::everybody I felt such love and support from my
family, my friends, my community, like, my
327
::church group.
328
::People came, visited, literally.
329
::My neighbors.
330
::I had some neighbors who would walk with me
331
::because at that time, my older one started
school and she was going.
332
::My little one was a nursery.
333
::And the nursery was like walking distance from
334
::my house.
335
::But this primary school, my husband had to
336
::drive her, so it was me and the little one.
337
::But I couldn't walk her to school on my own
338
::because for the first three months, I would be
blacking out and fainting randomly.
339
::It was actually dangerous.
340
::So I had neighbors who came and took shifts
341
::and to walk with me to the nursery, it was
like a three minute walk, but in the
342
::beginning, I could barely make those three
minutes, just like getting back on my feet.
343
::So all of that coming together and people
who've never prayed in their life before, it's
344
::like, I'm praying for you.
345
::We have to pull through.
346
::So it was just beautiful how everybody and
everyone came together in that season of my
347
::life again.
348
::Something that I wouldn't have been so
349
::conscious of just how loved I was had I not
gone through this.
350
::Something like this.
351
::There was another standout moment.
352
::So about three months after this, so this has
all happened, I came home in first week of
353
::October.
354
::So October, november.
355
::December is coming up to the New Year time.
356
::And that period is my favorite period of the
357
::year.
358
::That crossover between one year and the other,
359
::just you're making plans for the new year and
all that kind of stuff.
360
::And at this point, I was just about walking
properly again.
361
::Before this, I used to run, like, I used to do
jogging and on a fairly regular basis, fairly
362
::fit.
363
::And I used to do five K part runs.
364
::And obviously I hadn't been able to run for a
while.
365
::So I said to myself, I was like, I want to be
able to run again.
366
::Like, come January, I want to be able to run
again.
367
::So I think it was my husband who showed me,
but I downloaded this app called Couch to Five
368
::K. Well.
369
::MaryLayo: I haven't completed it, but I've
tried it.
370
::I'm giving myself away now.
371
::Mildred: Yes, that thing helped me massively.
372
::So literally, I used that app and within I
373
::think it was an eight week period, however
long the app following the program, I went
374
::from barely walking to being able to run a
five K. And that was, like, such a massive
375
::achievement for me, because a few months
early, I was fainting nonstop, and here I was
376
::running.
377
::And so, yeah, so that is just like it's that
378
::whole thing of you don't quite know what
you're capable of until you have no choice but
379
::to do whatever it is but to show yourself, to
conquer yourself.
380
::As I posted about today on LinkedIn.
381
::MaryLayo: I feel like giving you a high five
because some people who have downloaded that
382
::app, they haven't even completed it, and yet
you were able to do that just months after
383
::what you went through.
384
::So, yeah, that's an amazing breakthrough.
385
::Really.
386
::Mildred: Let's do it.
387
::Yeah.
388
::MaryLayo: No, honestly, that's amazing.
389
::That's amazing.
390
::You mentioned about that support system, so
your friends and family and how they played
391
::that role.
392
::So it was things like just even the simple
393
::things that meant a lot to you and had that
big impact, but maybe not so big to them, like
394
::walking alongside you when you're taking your
daughter to school, praying.
395
::Were there other ways that you really did feel
that love from your support system?
396
::Mildred: Yeah. So I had friends that one of my
friends, Vira hey.
397
::Hey.
398
::She used to make me food.
399
::MaryLayo: Okay.
400
::Mildred: Because after a while, I got bored of
hospital food, and I'm like, not sandwiches
401
::again.
402
::MaryLayo: Bring it to the hospital.
403
::Mildred: And she would make me like she's
Ghanaian.
404
::She would make, like, Ghanaian rice and
chicken and all of this.
405
::And it was heaven just to eat that stuff.
406
::My mom would make me food, and I'm Nigerian.
407
::She'll make me, like, Nigerian food.
408
::Because they know that in hospital, you ain't
409
::getting no culture.
410
::It was nice for a while, but I was like, okay,
411
::I miss they would bring food and things like
that.
412
::One of my friends because one of my worries
when I did end up in hospital was my daughter
413
::was about to start school, the oldest one.
414
::And I was like, I had all these plans to do
415
::her hair and stuff.
416
::I'm like, who's going to do her hair?
417
::Because one of my friends, they live in
Hastings, and we were in Kent.
418
::They would drive down once a week, and then
she'd come and do both my girls know, and that
419
::was just, like, literally amazing.
420
::So all of those kind of little things and then
421
::just neighbors checking on me, like just
knocking.
422
::Are you okay?
Do you need anything?
423
::The church group came down.
424
::They brought food as well, and they fed my
425
::husband while I wasn't there as well, my
husband and kids.
426
::The people were cooking for them.
427
::So home was sorted, so I could truly kind of
428
::just focus on my own recovery, which really
helped massively.
429
::MaryLayo: Sure. One of the things you
mentioned was about how you were still having
430
::these blackouts, even up post op, right?
431
::Mildred: Yeah.
432
::MaryLayo: And I don't know what was causing
those blackouts.
433
::Was it explained?
And then I guess my second follow on question
434
::is really about did those blackouts get less
frequent over time until it stopped?
435
::Mildred: The blackouts was part of the side
effects because the part of where they removed
436
::the tumor from is connected to, like it was
close to my spine or something like that.
437
::If it had gone any which way, the other way, I
may not have been able to walk, but it's part
438
::of that, the part that my brain, but it's not
the part of my brain that controls my thinking
439
::and all of that.
440
::So I was still able to think, to reason, all
441
::that.
442
::It was my mobility that was affected, because
443
::that's where it was closer to.
444
::So I think the doctor said the blackout is
445
::just one of the side effects of it's.
446
::Your body just getting back used to
447
::functioning properly again because this
thing's been taken out there's, like it's
448
::healing that part of your body.
449
::I still have the scar here, so I touch it to
450
::remind myself.
451
::But anyway, so it was the frequency of it, it
452
::was scary to begin with because I would never
know when it was going to happen.
453
::Like I said, I'd literally be mid
conversation.
454
::Maybe I was talking slow as well, slower,
because my brain is just, like, functioning
455
::again.
456
::It took about three months until they started
457
::getting less and less, but it took three
months from the time of the surgery till I had
458
::the last blackout because I was recording
every time it happened.
459
::And then after three months, that was them,
like, oh my God, I haven't had one, I haven't
460
::had one, I haven't had one.
461
::Oh, my God, they're actually gone.
462
::So, yeah, as I started to recover, those
things would go away.
463
::Some of the other symptoms would go away as
well that I had.
464
::I used to have, like, tingling sensations all
over my legs constantly, from the top to the
465
::bottom.
466
::Those gradually started to go.
467
::I've got, like, tiny, tiny little bits left on
my feet from there, but it doesn't bother me
468
::or anything like that.
469
::So it's just yeah, my body gradually started
470
::to recover with time, with rest, with some
medication, and just I also tried to push
471
::myself, sometimes a bit too much.
472
::My husband would be like, don't do that, stay
473
::here, don't let me carry up here.
474
::I'm like but eventually we got there.
475
::MaryLayo: Sure. And it seems like that three
month period was that big milestone in terms
476
::of the symptoms going, generally speaking, and
almost like back to normal.
477
::Mildred: Yeah, no, it definitely wasn't back
to normal, but the worst symptoms left after
478
::the three month period.
479
::So I remember after that in January because I
480
::wasn't allowed to drive either for a year
after up to a year afterwards.
481
::So I became a civilian again.
482
::So I remember the first time I had to go into
483
::in January, I had to go back into London from
Kent to go and see my surgeon for my first
484
::checkup.
485
::And it was like, that whole journey was just
486
::like a really surreal experience.
487
::The first time I've gone that far on my know
488
::since the operation.
489
::So there was all this kind of, am I going to
490
::be okay?
Am I going to faint?
491
::Because I just finished fainting a few weeks
before that.
492
::But I was able to kind of make that journey
and come back home in one piece on the train.
493
::So that was like little things became big
wins.
494
::So that was a big win.
495
::One of the things I couldn't do prior to the
496
::brain, for some reason, I can't sit on the
train when it's facing the other way, okay.
497
::It just used to mess with my head for whatever
reason.
498
::But after the operation, I found that I could
sit like that and I was okay.
499
::I was like, there's some additional benefits
that I didn't know about.
500
::So it's just that whole thing of finding
little reasons to be grateful.
501
::And there were plenty.
502
::We always have reasons to be grateful.
503
::If we take the time to pay attention to that,
we've got reasons to be grateful every day, no
504
::matter what we're going through in life.
505
::All of those things became little wins that I
506
::can tick off.
507
::Oh, today I rode the train.
508
::MaryLayo: I mean like that's even speaking to
me about how something so mundane to many
509
::people like just traveling, let's just say
from Kent to London and then being able to
510
::travel back by public transport how that was
such a big deal and it is a big deal but we
511
::are often very easily take these things for
granted.
512
::But they're things that we really should
appreciate.
513
::So your story is a reminder of how we should
really be appreciative even in what seems to
514
::be the mundane everyday activities.
515
::Mildred: Absolutely.
516
::MaryLayo: So I was going to ask about with
many, let's just call them survivors, they
517
::often have worries in terms of it coming back,
like when they have their checkups, their
518
::periodic checkups.
519
::Is this something that comes to your mind?
520
::And if so or not, how have you dealt with it?
How have you approached it?
521
::Mildred: Yeah, that's a really good question,
because when they did my surgery and they
522
::removed the tumor, I can't remember what the
exact percentage was, they said we got 97%, I
523
::think it was, of the tumor out.
524
::And they said there's a little tiny bit
525
::remaining and that we can't reach.
526
::However, we can use chemo chemotherapy to get
527
::rid of the rest of it and zap it and also
potentially to stop it from coming back.
528
::But it's your choice.
529
::We recommend that you do, but it's your
530
::choice.
531
::But by the time they finished telling me this
532
::was a few months after all the side effects of
the possible chemotherapy, I said, no, I don't
533
::want that.
534
::I had to be coming into the hospital every
535
::single day for like, six weeks to get the
chemo.
536
::I'm going to lose my hair, I'm going to put on
weight, the mood, all of that kind of I said
537
::no. I said, and this is where my faith this is
why I say it's such an important part of my
538
::story.
539
::This is where my faith in God and Jesus Christ
540
::kicked in.
541
::I said, I don't believe that that is the will
542
::of God for my life.
543
::One and two, I don't believe that my work here
544
::is done.
545
::So I know I'm not dying.
546
::Know, this is like, there's so much more in
me.
547
::I know I'm not dying yet.
548
::And I don't believe that living in that state
549
::is the will of God.
550
::So I believe that this tumor has been caught
551
::and is gone.
552
::This is like, I am not going to do this
553
::chemotherapy because I don't want that.
554
::And I was fully persuaded that this thing is
555
::gone and it's not going to come back.
556
::I was.
557
::And I am.
558
::And to this day, every time I go to my doctors
559
::and once a year I have to go and see him.
560
::Initially it was twice a year, now it's once a
561
::year.
562
::He does the thing.
563
::They do my MRI scan, they show me the thing.
564
::It's like, you're good, you're great, nothing
565
::there.
566
::So that's the thing.
567
::So it has gone according to your faith, so be
it.
568
::I know it's not always easy to do, but it's
when you go through these things is either
569
::your God is real or he's not.
570
::That is the thing.
571
::And also if we take it away from someone who's
not a believer, right?
572
::If you're not a believer and you're listening
to this, you're like, but I don't have God.
573
::But what you believe can become reality in
your life.
574
::What you believe and accept can become reality
in your life.
575
::If you believe that your thing is coming back
and you spend your time worrying about it
576
::constantly, constantly, even that very act in
itself can invite it back into your life.
577
::This might be sound like I'm making it all
simplistic and I know it's not simple at all
578
::and this is a complex thing and I didn't
invite the brain tumor into my life in the
579
::first place.
580
::Do you understand?
581
::So I'm not saying that what we get or don't
get is based on just us, but there is
582
::definitely an element of faith where what you
believe about yourself can become the reality
583
::in your life depending on whether that's good
or bad.
584
::And I knew that for me, if I start worrying
and thinking that this thing might come back,
585
::then that's what I'm entertaining and guess
what?
586
::That's what I'm feeding.
587
::And I didn't want that in my life.
588
::I didn't want it to come back.
589
::I was focused on recovery, like I said, I know
590
::I've got much more to do in this world.
591
::It's not my time yet to go.
592
::And that was where my focus was.
593
::And thank God.
594
::Four years on, here I am today, still telling
the story, still recovery.
595
::I'm recovered, but it hasn't come back and
it's not coming back.
596
::And I thank God for that.
597
::MaryLayo: Sam mildred, like, all throughout
you've been really open about your faith, your
598
::belief in Jesus and how that's helped you
through.
599
::Is there anything else you would say about how
that experience affected your faith even now,
600
::back then or even now?
601
::Mildred: Yeah, without that faith, I don't
think I would have gone through this and come
602
::out roses.
603
::I'll be straight up honest with you because I
604
::went through some really hard times and some
low times.
605
::There's even a point after my surgery, I had
about eight nightmares in one night.
606
::I wrote them down.
607
::Eight different all of them involved people
608
::trying to kill me one way or the other in the
same night.
609
::It was like terrors of night.
610
::There's a scripture in Psalm 23 that talks
611
::about when though you walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I am with you.
612
::I literally walked through the valley of the
shadow of death.
613
::In this whole experience, I was like, I now
get that scripture.
614
::David weren't just sitting there talking
about, hey, I went through the valley.
615
::It's like he was going through something that
was so dark and so deep that he felt like he
616
::was walking through the valley of the shadow
of death.
617
::And I could relate.
618
::There are some really low points in that whole
619
::journey.
620
::I'm there waking up at 02:00 A.m.. I can't
621
::sleep because my head is pounding, because my
head's been cut open.
622
::It's there.
623
::And there's times I woke up screaming.
624
::I'm like, more I need more medicine.
625
::And nurses after rushing and inject me with
626
::some steroids and all that because I was in so
much pain and it was hell.
627
::There's times I didn't even have the energy to
wake up.
628
::I'd be lying in bed for most of the so.
629
::But my faith, what got me through this was the
630
::fact that I had faith in Jesus.
631
::And this isn't a theory book faith.
632
::It's like literally I'm like God.
633
::Like, what is we?
634
::I was journaling.
635
::I was talking to Jesus.
636
::He was helping me to reinterpret some stuff,
and that gave me the strength to come out of
637
::this.
638
::There are some scriptures that I have that are
639
::key to my life.
640
::I can do all things through Christ who
641
::strengthens me.
642
::So when I'm trying to walk and my legs were
643
::there trying to collapse, I'm like, I can do
all things through Christ who strengthens me.
644
::I may not walk the first time or the second or
the third, but we're going to use his legs.
645
::They will be used again.
646
::So all of these things and for me, that's what
647
::got me through this.
648
::Other people go through their stuff and they
649
::get through it somehow, and that's okay,
everybody each to their own.
650
::But for me, without that element of a real
living faith with Jesus Christ, I would not
651
::have gone through this and come out with a
healthy perspective, let's just say.
652
::Because even after as I was recovering, I
spent a lot of time watching Channel Five
653
::movies.
654
::If anyone knows Channel Five movies, they're
655
::depressing and kind of like, yeah, you just
sit there and eat and watch people sadness
656
::happening on TV.
657
::It's like EastEnders doom and gloom, so all of
658
::that kind of stuff.
659
::And for a season, I'm just like feeling sorry
660
::for myself, I'm just going to sit here, get
out of shape and watch Channel Five movies.
661
::I've got a legitimate excuse to.
662
::But afterwards it's like that life in me
663
::kicked in.
664
::It's like, this is not you.
665
::Get up out of those grave clothes.
666
::I didn't come here to preach.
667
::MaryLayo: But you're preaching anyway.
668
::Preach anyway.
669
::Go with the flag.
670
::You've mentioned at least two scriptures so
671
::far.
672
::You've mentioned Psalm 23.
673
::And you've also mentioned about I can do all
things through Christ that strengthens me.
674
::Were there any other key scriptures to you
that you meditated on that you declared during
675
::that season or even now that you link to that
time?
676
::Mildred: There was a song that got me through
this after I got through the whole thing.
677
::Every time I hear that, so I have to change
the station.
678
::And even to the point I had to blank it out of
my memory because even though it got me
679
::through it, it always takes me straight back
to that hospital bed.
680
::And it's this song by the version, it's like
this, oh, God, the sin.
681
::It's not overwhelming love.
682
::I'm going to remember this after this podcast.
683
::Literally, I had to cast this out of my mind.
684
::But I am a child of God.
685
::MaryLayo: Okay, I will comment with you.
686
::Mildred: Singing on this podcast one of my
gifts.
687
::I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of
God.
688
::MaryLayo: I'll put it in the show notes.
689
::Mildred: Yes, that song.
690
::And there's a particular version by this guy,
691
::I can't even remember his name is a raspy
voice.
692
::But there was that version, that song I played
over and over and over and over.
693
::I don't know why it was that song.
694
::I don't know what it meant, but that
695
::ministered to me big time in that whole month
of the hospital, so much so that it became
696
::such a part of me.
697
::I could not hear that song afterwards without
698
::going straight back into the hospital room.
699
::So I stopped listening to it for a while.
700
::But that got me through as well.
701
::Just those at nighttime I would play it and
702
::sometimes I'd cry myself to sleep because
sometimes I couldn't sleep because it was
703
::really difficult to sleep when everything's
hurting.
704
::There's all of that.
705
::It was just having that active relationship
706
::with God.
707
::Journaling some stuff down.
708
::I didn't always get an answer.
709
::I didn't always hear back.
710
::Sometimes I'd write stuff and I'm like ask
good questions and I didn't hear anything
711
::straight away, but I just had this peace that
God was with me in this whole thing, that I
712
::was going through the valley of the shadow of
death and he was with me.
713
::That was the peace that I had throughout the
whole thing.
714
::I had peace.
715
::That's where that came from.
716
::MaryLayo: Oh, gosh.
717
::After all that's happened all that time, what
718
::would you say are the key things that you
learned about yourself?
719
::Because I'm sure there were some surprises
along the way, but also there definitely would
720
::have been learnings about you as an
individual.
721
::Mildred: Yeah, no, definitely there was
learnings about me.
722
::But it's also on a wider basis as well, this
whole thing of if you would have said to me,
723
::mildred, you can go for a brain tumor.
724
::You can have, like, a six hour surgery, spend
725
::three days in intensive care, black out for
three months, learn to walk again over eight
726
::months and drive and all of that kind of
stuff, you can do it.
727
::I'll be like, no way, no way.
728
::Don't give that to me.
729
::I can't handle that.
730
::I watch these movies when they torture someone
731
::to give up the secrets.
732
::And I'm like, these people are brave.
733
::The first pin that poked me, I would have
given up everything.
734
::You would have disclosed it, all the secrets.
735
::But to then have gone through such hardship
736
::physically and recover from it is something I
knew I had some resilience, but I didn't know
737
::just how much I had in me.
738
::And I think that's the same for all of us,
739
::that you just don't know how strong you are
until you go through something that requires
740
::you to be strong.
741
::MaryLayo: True.
742
::Mildred: So that's one of the learnings.
743
::I was like, wow, that's amazing.
744
::And then also, what it also allowed me to do
coming out of that is, as I said, I was kind
745
::of all, go beyond that.
746
::And then God uses time to rest.
747
::And then so it's like, how do I implement rest
as a part of what I do on a regular thing?
748
::And by rest, I don't just means falling
asleep.
749
::But one of the things is, like, the word is
for me is like I read it in a book, I can't
750
::remember what the book was about.
751
::Creating margins in your life so that you're
752
::not full on.
753
::So the idea of margins is it's like if you
754
::have a lined page, you have this page.
755
::There's margins on the side, so you're right
756
::in the middle, but there's space on the side.
757
::So this idea of, like, most of us, we live in
758
::a place where we have no margins.
759
::Our life is full on.
760
::So if someone has a need, for example, we
can't stop and meet that need because we're
761
::busy.
762
::We're going from this appointment to that one.
763
::We're doing this, we're doing that.
764
::And that was me busy.
765
::After that, I learned slowly over the years.
766
::It took some years, but I learned to put
767
::boundaries.
768
::I run my own business, so I've learned to put
769
::boundaries in my business, which allows me to
have margins.
770
::So I don't do meetings before 10:00, for
example, is one of them.
771
::I don't do evening sessions.
772
::Wednesdays are me dates.
773
::I have on my own to do whatever I want, go
cinema if I want to.
774
::Fridays are me and my husband.
775
::We have our date days at the kids are at
776
::school, that kind of thing.
777
::Is that putting boundaries in place so that
778
::you can live life at a better quality, a much
better quality of life.
779
::And that's one of the outcomes that's come out
of this whole experience that I'm really
780
::grateful for as well.
781
::MaryLayo: I think you've really said it
already, but if you can just really share how
782
::this experience has actually changed the way
that you view life now yeah, that would be
783
::good.
784
::Mildred: Yeah. I've always been somebody who
kind of I think that life is too short.
785
::I always say life is too short to do a job
that you hate.
786
::So I've never done a job that I hate for very
long at all, really, in my entire career.
787
::We spend so much of our work lives, of our
lives at work.
788
::You can't afford to be spending every day
doing things that you don't love, things that
789
::are not in your purpose.
790
::Is there a season where you're going to have
791
::to do something you don't like?
Whether to get through it to pay the bills or
792
::whatever for a season?
Support your family?
793
::Yes.
794
::Okay.
795
::But that should not be your everyday forever.
796
::So that whole thing about just kind of really
797
::knowing that tomorrow is not promised to any
one of us, you don't know.
798
::And this is not to walk around feeling
paranoid like, oh, I don't know, I'm going to
799
::die tomorrow, I'm going to get brain tumor
tomorrow.
800
::It's not that, but live life with urgency,
knowing that you only have today, so make
801
::today count.
802
::And then if you wake up again tomorrow, that's
803
::a fresh today.
804
::Make that day count and the day after, make it
805
::count.
806
::Don't invest time, energy, effort, resources,
807
::and things that don't have eternal value.
808
::Don't also spend your time doing things that
809
::you don't love that are not according to your
purpose, like make today count.
810
::So that's like a big message that I would love
to get out there so you don't have to have a
811
::brain tumor to realize how important life is.
812
::But your life matters, and today's the day to
813
::start making it matter if it already isn't how
you want it to be.
814
::Those dreams that you're putting off for when
you retire at 70 or whatever, bring them
815
::forward because you might not get to 70.
816
::I don't want to end on a downer.
817
::MaryLayo: So let's close with this.
818
::She says, if someone's going through a similar
819
::adversity, what would you like to say to them?
Because I know you're very that one of the
820
::things I've picked up from your post on
LinkedIn is how you offer to support people.
821
::If someone is going through something similar,
what would you like to say to them that you
822
::feel could help?
823
::Mildred: Yes, I did put that on the post where
I spoke about the four year anniversary.
824
::I did say kind of if anyone's going through
because you just don't know, looking at
825
::someone, what they're going through or what
they've been through.
826
::So we really do have to have compassion and
kindness towards each other.
827
::You just don't know what people are going
through.
828
::So if you're going through something right now
and you're listening to this, the very fact
829
::that you're still here means that you are a
champion, that you are a warrior, that you got
830
::this, you can do this, you can get through
this.
831
::There have been many, many people, I'm not the
only one who survived something as traumatic
832
::as a brain tumor and went on to live and live
even fuller.
833
::You can do the same.
834
::And I'm absolutely, 110% praying for you,
835
::rooting for you.
836
::You've got this, you can do this.
837
::MaryLayo: Thank you so much, Mildred.
838
::You've really been a blessing in terms of how
839
::you've freely spoken about your journey.
840
::There's been no bars you've just given because
841
::you want to be open, you want to be able to
encourage others.
842
::You want someone, people, you want them to
really draw from your experience so that they
843
::know that they're not alone and that they
could come out on the other side just like you
844
::have.
845
::So thank you so much for that advice and that
846
::sharing.
847
::Mildred: Thank you so much, Mary. It's been a
real pleasure.
848
::Yeah, I'm more than happy to help.
849
::I hope it has helped somebody.
850
::MaryLayo: Mildred shared a few scriptures that
helped her.
851
::So here they are for you to meditate on.
852
::The first is Philippians, chapter four, verse
853
::13.
854
::I can do all things through Christ who
855
::strengthens me.
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::She also mentioned a scripture about trials
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::and tribulations, which is John, chapter 16,
verse 33.
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::I have said these things to you that in me you
may have peace in the world, you will have
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::tribulation, but take heart.
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::I have overcome the world.
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::Finally, Mildred mentions Psalm 23
specifically verse four.
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::Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you
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::are with me.
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::Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
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::Thank you for listening.
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::MaryLayo: Do follow and join me again next.
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::MaryLayo: Time on Marylayo Talks Beyond the
Smile.
